A Marriage Retreat

Next week, my husband and I are going away.

First, he is finally moving here. Moving home. Finally.


And then we are going away for four days, just the two of us.

When I was in seminary I had many, many pastors and professors earnestly remind me to guard my marriage. "You'll be very busy in ministry," one said. "Make time for your husband, or your marriage will suffer."

The statistics are staggering and sad. Divorce and infidelity are tragically common among those in ministry. It's easy to care for a church while neglecting a marriage. It's easy to get busy and distracted. It's tough to set boundaries.

I've been working in full-time ministry for the first time these past four months, and I've had the privilege of having unlimited hours to give to the church. It's been a joy, and a great way to start out here. Without Daryl here, there's been no reason to rush home for dinner. No reason to keep a few nights free during the week. Daryl is in Nashville, I am here, and the house is big and empty.

But that's about to change. Daryl is moving home (HOORAY!!!) and normal married life will resume. And suddenly a 15-hour day will affect more than just me. I'll need to learn some new patterns. New habits. I'll need to set some different boundaries.

A wonderful Presbyterian minister gave me the following advice before I started looking for calls to ministry: "Set aside an annual four-day weekend as a marriage retreat," he said. "Take it every year, no matter what. Take it especially when you don't think you have the time to take it. It's the best thing you can do for your ministry."

He is a wise man, and I've taken his advice. In fact, I even negotiated a "marriage retreat" into my contract, so that the church knows that is what I'm doing with these two days at the end of my Friday-Saturday weekend. They aren't for vacation, though we will certainly rest. They are days for my husband and I to be together, to reflect on what God has called us to together, and to enjoy one another's company after a total of fourteen months apart. They are to help keep our marriage strong, so that our ministry will be strong as well.

If you are in ministry (and even if you aren't), I highly recommend getting one a retreat like this on the calendar. I haven't even gone on it yet, but I've been looking forward to it for months.

The retreat doesn't have to break the bank. We used Priceline to find a very affordable hotel in a neighboring city, so we'll save on the hotel and on gas. We're packing much of our own food (a gluten free necessity), to save on meals out. Many conference and retreat centers offer huge discounts to pastors and others in ministry, and we may look into one of those for next year.

The goal isn't luxury, but getting away from home is important or the call of the laundry and the ring of the phone can overpower the still, small voice of God.

We're also going to read together. I'm not sure on the book list yet, but I'm guessing it will involve a marriage book, as well as some C.S. Lewis, some poetry (yes... we're nerds... we really can't help it), and a whole lot of Scripture.

I will also beat him several times in Scrabble, which, because of our inherent board-game competitiveness, may do more to hurt our marriage than help it... Kidding... Mostly...

Also on the menu for the weekend? Our one small splurge: a date-night dinner at Da Luciano's restaurant. Gluten free ravioli? Yes, please.

I'll be back on Monday. Blessings till then.